So. I tried doing that thing you told me about, but it didn’t work.
What thing?
The, you know, the thing. Halloween.
That was two weeks ago. If you want to participate in Earth festivals you have to do it on the right day you know, that’s kind of the whole point.
I did do it on the right day, October 31, or at least I tried to, but it didn’t work.
What didn’t work? Did you… oh no. Did you go trick or treating?
No.
Good! Good. Because trick or treating is just for children. Human children.
I know that! I just stayed at home and waited for the children to trick or treat me.
That… sounds appropriate, actually. What happened?
Kids came to my door and said trick or treat, and I said: there’s no treats here, so I guess you’ll just have to trick me! But they didn’t. They just stared at me and then they went away.
Oh my god, why would you do that?
You’re the one who told me how it works! On Halloween kids come to your house and either you give them a treat or they play at trick on you. I’d been looking forward to the trick all day, you know, wondering what it would be. Imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be nothing at all! I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s those kids who failed to follow procedure.
How old were these kids?
I don’t know. How would I know how old human kids are?
How tall were they?
About a meter.
You’re a terrible person. And you’re banned from participating in any more Earth cultural traditions. As of now. I’m banning you.
Me?! What did I do wrong?
You’re supposed to give the kids candy, wish them a happy Halloween and that’s it! Or if you don’t want to hand out treats you should just leave your lights off and not answer the door. The kids aren’t expected to actually play a trick on you.
But you said…
I know what I said, but it’s not meant to be interpreted so literally!
You lied to me! You lied to me about trick or treating.
I didn’t lie, sheesh. Trick or treating is a tradition, it’s like a story. You need to know the story to understand what Halloween is all about, but not all of it is supposed to be literally true, there are layers of reality that you have to be able to navigate.
Layers of reality? That doesn’t make any sense at all, what are you even talking about?
Oh my god, just, can you please stay away from human cultural stuff from now on? You’re not qualified to do this stuff on your own.
Fine.
I mean it! Don’t even think about doing anything Christmas-y without proper supervision.
You mean, proper supervision by someone like you? Aw. If you wanted us to spend Christmas together, you could have just said.
Fine. We’re spending Christmas together.
Fine!
Great. I’m already looking forward to it.
Septisphere 