Tag: comic

I’ve been studying

A comic with two characters: a green alien with eyes on stalks, and a girl wearing an orange shirt. Character 1 says: 'I've been studying your society, human.' Character 2 says: 'Oh. That's nice, I guess. But you know, Earth doesn't really have just one...' Character 1 says: 'Yes, yes, it's all a very rich tapestry I'm sure. But about your political system. Are you quite sure you've got the right one?' Character 2 says: 'Uh... we humans think democracy is pretty good actually.' Character 1 says: 'But even your elected leaders can't do as they truly desire - they must make compromises in the face of hard political realities.' Character 2 says: 'Wait, I can see where this is going. You're going to say life on Earth would be better if we allowed aliens to govern us.' Character 1 says: 'Not at all!' Character 2 says: 'Oh. Sorry.' Character 1 says: 'Actually I was going to suggest a carefully crafted computer algorithm could do the job.' Character 2 says: 'Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure humanity wouldn't go for that either.' Made at foofurple.com/comic

Advertisements

So…

A comic with two characters: a girl wearing an orange shirt, and undefined. Character 1 says: 'Soooo... what do you think of Earth so far?' Character 2 says: 'I find your world to be inscrutable and contradictory. But beautiful at times.' Character 1 says: 'Uh, thanks, I guess?' Character 2 says: 'And what do YOU think of your world, human?' Character 1 says: 'I don't really think anything about it. It's just Earth, you know?' Character 2 says: 'No I really don't.'

A meditation on the nature of belief

If you have trouble viewing the image, skip down to the image description.

Image description:

A comic. There are four panels, each showing the same thing: a girl and an alien looking at a widescreen tv. They are sitting on a sofa in a room with pink stripy wallpaper, and are viewed from the back. On the tv screen we see a man’s head and shoulders with the word ‘NEWS’.
_____Panel 1_____
GIRL: What is this guy talking about? It doesn’t even make sense.
ALIEN: Indeed, in the 2 minutes and 48 seconds we’ve been watching this program, I’ve noted three obvious falsehoods and five logical contradictions.
_____Panel 2_____
GIRL: He seems so sincere, but how can anyone believe this stuff?
ALIEN: He seems very confident and happy in himself. Is he famous among humans?
_____Panel 3_____
GIRL: Yeah, I think he’s a politician or something like that, I’ve definitely seen him on tv before.
ALIEN: Well that explains it then. Believing this stuff has worked out very well for him. It has brought him fame and admiration from his fellow three dimensional sentient beings. Why would he ever stop?
_____Panel 4_____
GIRL: But it DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!
ALIEN: Agreed.
GIRL: People are supposed to believe things based on evidence and logic!
ALIEN: Ideally yes, but sometimes other factors enter into it.

Image credits:

Usarios by canguronegro
Glossy TV by Steren

Extra-adorable Alien Squid Monster

A cartoon showing two girls, both wearing dubious or cynical expressions, looking at a tank which contains a purple creature with tentacles. The creature has a human-style face and is smiling. At the bottom it says in italic text: "What the heck is that?"

Get ready! It’s the Extra-Adorable Alien Squid Monster!

* Posable tentacle “arms” (extra tentacle “arms” included)

* Hours of fun!

* Comes with 7 reusable facial expressions

* The included tank comes in 2 great Extra-Adorable styles, and provides the weird alien nutri-liquid your Extra-Adorable Alien Squid Monster needs to live on Planet Earth!

* Extra-Adorable Alien Squid Monster may look a little like an Earth sea creature, but is in fact a sentient being from a distant galaxy! No-one knows how it got here or what it wants!

* Accessories sold separately

Welcome to the Fantastic Realm!

A fantasy scene: a floating island, with a purple lawn and pink flowers, against a blue sky with fluffy clouds. The island has a hill in the center with a castle at the top; the castle has turrets with pink triangular flags waving in the breeze. In front of the castle is a sign that says 'BALLOON CATS' next to a big green open pipe. There are cute cats suspended from hot air balloons floating through the air nearby. A cute robot with a propeller attached to its head floats in the air, looking out of the screen at the viewer. In the foreground is the edge of another floating island. On it stands a creature that is person-shaped but with the head and tail of a crocodile, wearing a grey uniform and a large green apparatus of some sort on its back; it holds some sort of machine which is giving off a cloud of fumes.
The image is a mash-up of public domain images: the floating islands, the lizard-person and equipment, the robot’s propellor and the sign are from Glitch, the hot air balloon is from ‘Hot air balloon’ by Purzen, the castle is from ‘Castle’ by nicubunu .

Welcome to the Fantastic Realm, where everything you imagine becomes real! Here your thoughts and dreams, and even your hopes and fears, can influence the external reality! Which, um… isn’t all that different from how things work in the human world, come to think of it.

But we have Balloon Cats! How great is that? You should come visit sometime, we get lots of humans like you coming here for a little vacation. Actually, no offense, but some of the stuff you humans think up is pretty horrible. Like that thing last week, ugh. Just… ugh. But we don’t mind! After you go the Reality Re-equilibrator cleans the whole thing up, no mess, no fuss.

Sometimes I worry about you humans in your human world. You know, thoughts in the wild can be very dangerous. And it seems like you humans just go around thinking things without even, you know, thinking about it? So I was wondering if maybe you need somewhere to practice. Here you can think up thoughts and watch them evolve. You can try them out without risking any permanent damage.

You can come here whenever you want.

Testing

All balloon cats must undergo rigorous testing before being released into the wild.

A comic-style image: at the bottom is a cute little green robot holding a clipboard, looking up at a cute cat attached to a blue and orange hot air balloon, floating away into the sky.

This one seems alright.

FESTIVE HOLIDAY KITTEN!

A cartoon-style image of a cute orange cat, looking straight ahead, against a light purple background.

About this latest holiday promotion…

What’s the problem? It’s festive, isn’t it? It’s a kitten, kittens are festive, they certainly make me feel festive, what’s wrong with you? What kind of a monster doesn’t like kittens? Festive holiday kittens, that’s what we’re going with.

Yes sir.

And I want a I nice Christmas-y purple-lavender colour scheme for the background.

Clouds 2

A comic-style picture of a girl and an alien walking down a sidewalk. The girl has curly brown hair and brown skin and wears a purple shirt with a happy face on it. The alien is purple with one big eye and some tentacles. In the background is a fence, some grass, and a blue sky.
Image background: Park view by anarres, public domain.

So, when you asked me to help you with your research into Earth culture, this isn’t what I expected.

Oh? What did you expect?

I don’t know, I guess I would have thought you’d be doing experiments on human bodies or something. Not that you’d – I mean, not on dead bodies, I know you wouldn’t – or, I guess doing experiments on live ones would be even worse – the point I’m trying to make is, I’m sure all your experiments are 100% ethical. I hope I didn’t offend you just now. Um, sorry if I did.

It’s fine, don’t worry about it.

It’s just, walking to the park to look at clouds? It doesn’t sound very scientific. It kinda sounds more like a date, actually. Are you trying to date me? Because I think you’re really great and all, but I just don’t feel that way about you.

Noted.

OK. But lots of planets have clouds, right? Clouds aren’t just an Earth thing. So why are clouds part of your Earth research?

It’s not so much the clouds themselves, as how you humans see them.

Well how do YOU see them? I guess since you just have one eye, you can’t see depth, right?

What do you mean? I see plenty of depth, but what does that have to do with – oh, I think I understand what you’re saying. But… well, I do have one eye, I suppose, but I don’t see with it.

You can’t see?

I have other sense organs. But the eye is mostly cosmetic.

You mean it’s fake? You have a fake eye?

I wouldn’t say it’s fake – my eye serves a function, it facilitates my social interactions with humans here on Earth. Research shows that humans find it much easier to relate to an unknown being if that being has eyes, or even just one eye; it lets them know where they should look when they’re talking to you. And I’ve got to look like something. I could just manifest myself on this planet as an invisible energy flow, but then how would you talk to me?

You mean, your whole body is fake. This isn’t even your real body.

It’s real, and it’s a body, and it’s mine; but no, this isn’t how I usually look. The way I look when I’m at home is impossible to describe in your language.

Why did you decide to have tentacles and one big eye?

Why not?

What do you mean why not?

I think I look good.

You do! You do, I’m not arguing with that. It’s just, why didn’t you just make yourself look like a human? Then you wouldn’t have to deal with people freaking out because you’re, I mean, because you don’t look normal.

People would freak out quite a lot more, actually – it turns out that people find a weird-looking alien significantly less terrifying than a perfectly human-looking alien. I wouldn’t manage to successfully mimic human behaviours, and people around me would suspect that I was some sort of sinister alien spy or something like that.

That makes sense, I guess. Why don’t you make yourself look like a 12-foot-tall lizard? Because that would be kind of cool.

Lizards are perceived as untrustworthy and lacking in emotional warmth. Also humans react best to beings of a size somewhat smaller than their own; smaller is perceived as less threatening. Roughly a third to a half of human size is considered ideal.

OK, but what if you wanted to be able to shoot lasers out of your eyes – could you?

Why would I ever want to do that?

But could you? Oh my god, could you make me be able to shoot lasers out of my eyes?

Is that a hypothetical question?

I want pink lasers. That shoot out of my eyes. Hot pink, not princess pink. Please?

That would be terrible. It would be like wearing coloured glasses all the time, but even more annoying. It would be distracting for you and for those around you, and it would undoubtedly damage your vision.

Could you just make me have laser eyes for one day?

Hypothetically could I do that? Yes. Will I? No.

You’re no fun.

I’m not here to amuse you. I’m here to gather information about Earth civilization and culture.

Half a day?

No.

Will you take me up for a ride in your ship then? To make up for not giving me laser eyes even though I really really want them?

No.

Do you really think I’m still going to help you with your stupid research?

Yes, absolutely.

Clouds

A cartoon: a girl with brown skin and curly black hair, and a purple alien with tentacles and one big eye, sit on an orange-brown sofa with some cushions. The background is light flue wallpaper with a pattern of little white flowers.

Could I ask a favour?

Sure, what is it?

I need you to help me look at clouds. It’s for my research.

Uh, sure, I guess. What do you need me to do?

Look at clouds.

Um, OK. But I mean, clearly you could just look at clouds on your own, if that’s what you’re going to do, so I don’t understand what you need me for.

I want to look at clouds with you. That’s different from looking at clouds on my own.

It is?

Of course.

Oh. And this is part of your research?

Yes. Come on, let’s go.

You want to look at clouds right now?

Yes. Unless you’re busy with something else?

No, no.

Good. It’s a nice day, I suggest we go to the park down the road.

OK, just, let me get my shoes and stuff.

Robot & Alien: Halloween debrief

A cartoon robot and a cartoon alien. The robot is shiny silver-grey, has two eyes, two arms with metal clamps instead of hands, and two wheels instead of legs. The alien is a grey blob with short tentacles and one big eye.

So. I tried doing that thing you told me about, but it didn’t work.

What thing?

The, you know, the thing. Halloween.

That was two weeks ago. If you want to participate in Earth festivals you have to do it on the right day you know, that’s kind of the whole point.

I did do it on the right day, October 31, or at least I tried to, but it didn’t work.

What didn’t work? Did you… oh no. Did you go trick or treating?

No.

Good! Good. Because trick or treating is just for children. Human children.

I know that! I just stayed at home and waited for the children to trick or treat me.

That… sounds appropriate, actually. What happened?

Kids came to my door and said trick or treat, and I said: there’s no treats here, so I guess you’ll just have to trick me! But they didn’t. They just stared at me and then they went away.

Oh my god, why would you do that?

You’re the one who told me how it works! On Halloween kids come to your house and either you give them a treat or they play at trick on you. I’d been looking forward to the trick all day, you know, wondering what it would be. Imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be nothing at all! I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s those kids who failed to follow procedure.

How old were these kids?

I don’t know. How would I know how old human kids are?

How tall were they?

About a meter.

You’re a terrible person. And you’re banned from participating in any more Earth cultural traditions. As of now. I’m banning you.

Me?! What did I do wrong?

You’re supposed to give the kids candy, wish them a happy Halloween and that’s it! Or if you don’t want to hand out treats you should just leave your lights off and not answer the door. The kids aren’t expected to actually play a trick on you.

But you said…

I know what I said, but it’s not meant to be interpreted so literally!

You lied to me! You lied to me about trick or treating.

I didn’t lie, sheesh. Trick or treating is a tradition, it’s like a story. You need to know the story to understand what Halloween is all about, but not all of it is supposed to be literally true, there are layers of reality that you have to be able to navigate.

Layers of reality? That doesn’t make any sense at all, what are you even talking about?

Oh my god, just, can you please stay away from human cultural stuff from now on? You’re not qualified to do this stuff on your own.

Fine.

I mean it! Don’t even think about doing anything Christmas-y without proper supervision.

You mean, proper supervision by someone like you? Aw. If you wanted us to spend Christmas together, you could have just said.

Fine. We’re spending Christmas together.

Fine!

Great. I’m already looking forward to it.

Robot & Alien October Valentine



Will you do my Valentine?

Um… first, it’s “be”, not “do”, the phrase is “be my Valentine”. And second, it’s October. The next holiday coming up is Halloween, not Valentine’s Day.

Well, will you? I one or two you!

You… what?

I number-less-than-three you! It’s how humans express love for each-other.

That’s… it’s great that you’re taking an interest in Earth culture, but I think you have missed some of the, um, nuances.

Are you trying to change the subject? Because I’m not done talking about how I <3 <3 <3 you.

No, just, you know how Earth computers have keyboards on them? And… well, there's this thing called "typography", and there's this other thing called a "heart" which is actually a pretty gross body part but which some humans believe to be the seat of emotions, and, well, to be honest it's sort of hard to explain.

You don't have to explain. You are so great, I wanna Valentine you all the way past zero and into negative integers! -1, -2, -3…

That's… gosh. That's sweet. Um, I <3 you too.

The NEW Balloon Cats

Faster, sleeker, with up to THREE TIMES as many pixels as the previous generation Balloon Cats. Don’t be left behind, order yours today.

A cartoon picture of a cute grey cat with  black and white spots, floating in the air attached to a big purple hot air balloon, against a background of blue sky and clouds.